Dating

Christian Dating

What the heck does that mean? I mean, I have my own values towards dating but I heard this term and was so extra confused. Personally, I don't believe in dating someone I cannot see myself marrying and I REFUSE to date people who aren't Christian, truly Christian. Of course, I have other preferences but those are the two most important criteria on my checklist. Don't assume I am an expert, far from it but I believe that I can shed some light on this subject. How? First, giving my list and even a few things off of my "The Perfect Man" checklist that aren't really requirements but would be nice. Then I am going to outline a few things that I believe to be good in any relationship. Finally, I'll take it to the Bible and see what God says about dating. If this post goes a little long, I'll make it a series. You're forewarned.

My dating criteria:

1. Christian
2. Could be a great husband
3. Responsible and Caring
4. Loves his family
5. Involved in church
6. Has a direction in life
7. Sensible but funny
8. Good steward of money and other material things
9. Sweet
10. Honest, responsible and a good communicator
11. Trustworthy eyes
12. Healthy

My Criteria for the Perfect Man

1. At least 6'2
2. Handsome
3. Either muscular or suitably fit
4. Dark Skinned (I like chocolate lol)
5. Well-paying job
6. Nice teeth
7. Long hair

As you can see, my necessities are longer than my wants and more important. Plus, they're less vain! These are the traits I look for in someone I am considering and I refuse to make any promises if someone asks me on a date. I will gladly get to know anyone but if I get to know you and don't like what I know, it's over. I am not trying to be rude, but I don't like wasting my time or my words. Jesus never said anything unnecessary, so why should I. And if you don't approve, I completely understand. What are some of the things on your list of Man Must-Haves? Or Woman Must-Haves, for that matter?

For Any Relationship...

I think that there are some obvious qualities that are integral in any relationship which is why I did not mention them in the previous lists. One of those being a significant other that is not abusive. This is not just physically, mind you. It is mental and verbal abuse. When someone in your life is making you feel like less than what you felt before, when you are sad and hurt, hoping that things will one day get better even though you know in your heart it won't, that's abuse. Sometimes, we don't even know we are being abused. At first we think the fact that they want to know where we are is them showing concern, not being possessive. Then it progresses to you slowly being cut off from those around you such as friends and family. First, it was just a casual joke when they said you were putting on weight, then you start feeling bad about yourself. You diet and exercise but it's not for you, it's for them so that they'll approve. That, too, is abuse. Some say that no one can impact your self-esteem because it is self-esteem but I know that is wrong and very much so. After a while what you hear gets in your head, you internalize it and all of a sudden there is no escape. People can change your mindset, make sure you are around those who will impact it positively.

Another quality is to be someone with a practical vision and means to get there. Dreams are great, I am not knocking them but while you are on your way to becoming a famous actor or musician, have another means of income to support yourself. There should be no such thing as a struggling artist. The person you are with should be able to support themselves. If they can't, how can you expect them to support you? Not just financially, but emotionally as well. Their mind will most likely be filled with thoughts of what they will do to make ends meet the next day and other issues. They will be emotionally unavailable for the long term even if they seem like a great candidate up front.

Thirdly, make sure you know how your potential significant other acts towards others. You can tell a lot from watching someone interact with others. How do they treat their parents? Friends? Enemies? Those they see in the street? The people they work with and go to church with? When they see something unpleasant how do they respond? One thing I suggest is that you never allow yourself to open up to someone who does not respect others because they'll show you the same disrespect, maybe not at first but later on. Don't be blinded by rose colored glasses. If you see your potential mate doing something you do not like to see others do don't think that it is just a coincidence or that you can change. People only change when they wish to, that is a fact of life and be mindful of it.

Those are my top three tips, I have a few more but while I write the next post tell me what you think about dating, any ideas can help my other readers so please share.

Here's A Song: Love Never Leaves by Tedashii

Youth in Church 2

Why can't we do both? Connect tradition with innovation. Young and old together.

Hello all, this is just a continuation of my last spiel on youth in church. In the past, at least in Black churches children were expected to just sit and listen. Now, however, they grow up faster. Times are changing and with that, in my opinion, comes the need to change things in the church. I am not saying that the church needs to uproot the practices it has had but priorities should be reworked. Mark 7:8 warns us of the dangers of placing human traditions over the values Christ has asked us to have. We should bring people into the church and do it the way Paul did. 1 Corinthians 9:19-23 pretty much says that Paul fit the way he ministered to the people he ministered to so that they would understand it better and feel more comfortable about Christianity. He never gave up his value system or sinned to do this, he just became everything to everyone. Why can't the church as a whole?

Tambourines are wonderful and so are large choirs or praise teams. They connect us to our roots as well as lead us into the presence of the Most High. However, maybe once a month having the youth lead a service would be pretty amazing. They would feel involved and important and cared for while learning leadership skills and learning about the triune God. Let's take a minute to think of the possibilities.....Okay, minute over, Hehehe. What if there was a youth service every week, not on Sunday that specifically catered to youth. If it was laid back and fun and they could bring friends without worrying about stares and glares from ushers, deacons and church Mothers, what would happen. If they felt free to worship in anyway they saw fit. Not everyone worships by clapping and screaming. Some whistle, some dance, some sign, some laugh. 

If they truly felt comfortable, what change would the church see? And the strange thing is that we should never feel uncomfortable in a church. It shouldn't be strange to speak in tongues or pray to God. That's what we were born to do! We make people feel uncomfortable and we need to stop. If we didn't feel obligated to wear suits and ties, heels and dresses. If it felt like coming home every single time a person took a step into a sanctuary, just imagine the change in the world. Instead of isolating the young people we need to draw them in. 

However, this is just what I think. What do you think?

Church Clothes by Lecrae

Youth in Church

At my church, the one I grew up in anyway,  they seem to have stopped caring about the youth. Don't get me wrong we've been through tough times but I feel like it has become a dying church and that term shouldn't even exist. The church has grown a lot smaller and it feels like it started as soon as they got rid of the youth programs. No more children's church or Sunday school groups by age. No more game nights, no more tambourines or coloring books. No more talking with the teenagers,  all at once it seemed to disappear and with it went the next generation of saints.

The church isn't making an effort to reach the youth anymore but the youth is the now. If we don't reach the youth now, while parents are still dragging them to church,  those are lives that could've been saved that weren't. Doesn't that hurt to think about? 

Don't assume that I am talking about all churches. I'm not. But there are too many churches out there that ignore the same people who can bring in new ideas and perspectives and reach more young people and save a generation of people. If you give the youth some task to do, they'll do it just to keep from boredom. It seems like more often than not youth from 5 to 18 are ignored and as soon as it is no longer a familial requirement to attend service they stop. They have to do something with that free time and although there are many who do good, some get bored and look for excitement somewhere else.

When we were kids most of us fell asleep listening to the preacher talk about things we didn't understand. Yet, earlier that morning we would be laughing and playing and learning about Bible stories in a way we could comprehend. Do you have any experience with dying churches? Churches that are so stuck in their ways that any new way of thinking is banned. That shouldn't happen. Churches should be filled with people of all ages. Men and women. We are supposed to go to God early in our lives but we aren't reaching those who are young. There is no God just for kids and one just for teens. But we can teach them about the one and only God through different means and techniques so that they actually comprehend it.

I have reached out to the pastor of my old church. Being a young person I know how to understand them better than a 60 year old man. Every time I brought up an idea I was shunned or ignored. I thought about bringing back children's church, or just children's Sunday School, even a Bible based game night. Nothing. It is a sad thing to see a large church practically empty, it hurts my soul. Things have to change but change is not always a bad thing, it seems that the leadership of my church feel that it is though. The youth is not the only program that was done away with but it seems to have been the most impactful. What does your church do to reach the youth?

Any tips or helpful comments?

Sound the Alarm 3

In His Presence....

...There is fulness of joy and that joy becomes strength. That statement is powerful and I really wanted to share it with whoever was willing to listen. Joy isn't the same thing as happiness. Happiness is ephemeral, fleeting. One sentence can take it away but joy is everlasting. That is not to say once you are joyful nothing bad will ever get in your way. It isn't to say that everything will be rainbows, candy and roses. It is to say that when you have joy, although you get knocked on your butt, you can stand up and still be as confident as you were before.

Unlike my other posts, this one is not about the words of Todd White. It is instead about George Sotolongo, who drops hard truth in a short amount of time.

I mentioned it a bit in my previous post, but God will gladly satisfy His people. James 1:5 says that God gives liberally, without restraint and we do not have to fear punishment for asking. However, we must be truly hungry for God and then He will satisfy you. Why? I'm glad you asked. Because when you're full of God you won't take the desserts the devil offers. His children must be hungry for His presence. When we are hungry we will be delivered. Note: deliverance is temporary but freedom is eternal. I just want to point out that people get delivered all of the time. They get healed from ailments and go on living the life they did before. They are freed from stress or other bonds and keep it moving just like those that never came back to Jesus after their healing. When someone has been freed it means that they are no longer a slave to those mindsets, actions and any other craziness they once experienced. Freedom means never returning to it again. And how do we become free? By eating a full helping of truth. (That was free, I won't even charge you for it) And for that truth to be filling we have to be righteous. Guess what? Without a relationship with Him you can't be righteous.

George preached out of James 12:12-13. This scripture points out that mercy triumphs judgement, which is cause for a praise break in and of itself. Mercy will always beat judgement and judgement is harsher for those who show no mercy for others. 

There is so much more I want to say, I love talking about Christ with my peers. I love talking about relationship but I am running out of space. I'll try and break down some of what George said as best as I can and if you guys have questions for me, leave a comment. So George spoke on how important it is for us to be able to approach Him. That makes sense because you can't have a relationship with someone you are to afraid to talk to. But in order to approach Him we have to know His character. We have to know how wonderful and gracious He is but also how He is a jealous God. But there is something that is amazing about the God we serve.

Mercy Alone Can Set Us Free

To obtain mercy we just have to come boldly to the throne. I know it can be hard to be bold it is what I struggled with until last year actually but if you ask God for heavenly boldness and truly mean it, He'll give it to you. Many Christians, no matter the age need help and encouragement to be more bold and willing to step out on faith for Christ's sake. Anyway, mercy is a powerful force but it is not the same thing as grace. Grace is giving a person something they do not deserve. Mercy is withholding something we do deserve because He loves us just that much! Isn't that amazing? When he brought it up I immediately thought of Mercy Said No by CeCe Winans. The power of mercy enables us to walk righteously. It makes us want to live better just because we are sick and tired of the close calls and near disasters. Mercy upholds the truth but softens the blow so that we can and will approach the I AM.

People feel condemnation over their past sins but all condemnation is is a lack of the recognition of God's mercy. When we truly understand God's mercy we don't have to feel condemned. Mercy takes judgement from us. Self-hatred is a lack of revelation of God's mercy, love and truth, it is a lack of knowing who you are. And as I have said many times before, we have to be secure in our identities. Luckily, George pointed out that no one can ever exhaust or extinguish the mercy of God. That is no excuse to purposefully sin, though! Mercy takes judgement from us, we do not need to be performance driven Christians thinking that if we just do enough good we'll land a nice mansion in heaven. I am not what I do and you are not what you do. It all goes back to identity. We have to break the mentality of a performance driven life. We don't have to put on a show for God to love and be proud of us. Isn't that amazing? We have mercy!

There was a lot more that went on at the conference but if you want to know about it, then I guess you'll have to go next year.

Sound the Alarm 2

This is a continuation of my discussion on Sound The Alarm.

Todd White is an amazing speaker and I feel like I may have left off at an awkward spot but where I am starting out is when he said that as Christians we should not be afraid of darkness. Why? Because the only way that light can be afraid is if the light doesn't know it's the light. When light comes, darkness flees. Not the other way around. We light up the world and we are meant to let that light shine like a city on a hill. Everyone should be able to see it and recognize it. The important thing is that we, as believers recognize the power that we have inside.

Another thing that was discussed is something many Christians have heard and have grown apathetic to: Ask believing you'll receive. James 1:6 says that when you ask God for something you must ask in faith. We can't be doubtful because doubt is not a factor in God because doubt brings fear. But we need to recognize that being humble (poor in spirit) is not the same as being doubtful or fearful. A humble person is a teachable person. When we are humble it is like those old karate movies, our cups are empty, just waiting for God to fill them. While you wait you must fill yourself with the truth of God's Word. You can't be a true disciple if you don't read and live by the Word.

And those hard times that seem like they are going to kick your butt right off a cliff? You are only getting wrecked so you can wreck the devil! By knowing our Father we can let out lives be a living testimony.

We have so much inside of us, things that God has put there that we an use to glorify Him. It should be so powerful that it should burn inside of us. We need to be on fire for Jesus, and this is the type of fire that will never go out. We feel this fire just as we feel out convictions. When we obey that fire within us we can never be condemned because that is the fire that God has put in us to change the world. This is why we must be bold, someone died for me. Who else do you know that has died for you?

And when you feel bad, feel like you cannot get over your past sins remember this: He remembers them no more! It is like they never happened and if they never happened why are you worrying about them? It is not a psychological thing. It is supernatural, once you have been forgiven they are gone. If God forgets them can we honestly say that those things still exist? No! We are totally and completely forgiven. This is why we must be on fire for Christ. When you put someone who is already on fire in fire, nothing happens. For this reason we are called to have hope. We can have hope because God is the identity changer and He can change your identity, if you let Him.

If you let Him, out Father will teach you and if you learn daily you will remain free. Know what this means? It is time to be diligent and intentional. Think like this: you don't have to rebuke the devil, he's already behind you. Spend your time focusing on the actions of the one true God. Philippians 3 tells us to forget those things that lie behind. There doesn't always have to be something wrong. Don't just be free, it is our time, your time, to be free indeed. Completely forgiven=Completely free!

Don't Be Anyone Other than You

"You were made special,  don't settle for a substitute."

Magic by Tedashii

Instead of ending today with a song, I chose to start it off with one because it is a wonderful song that really helped me and I am sure it has touched others. I'm not sure if anyone actually listens to the songs I link but if you do or if you don't I really suggest you give it an ear. The lyrics are amazing.

I decided to post about this today because it is something that I struggles with for a very long time. Even to this day, those same emotions try to creep up on me but I cannot let them. I remind myself to push those thoughts out of my head because I am better than that. I cannot be anybody else, I would probably suck at it anyway so the best decision I can make is to be me and be the best I can be and let others take notice. Nothing can come from you trying to be just like another person. I'm not saying don't have role models. I am saying that you are you and they are them and that you can try to have a few character traits but don't try to copy their life.

So many girls are suffering out here today. Not eating, throwing up, having sex at a young age because they think that it is the way they should be. They see it in the media, they see it around them and they want to be like the supermodels who were photoshopped anyway. They cannot imagine themselves as beautiful if they are not wearing make up and designer clothes that they cannot afford in the first place. They are not cool unless they look like girls in BET videos and talk the same vulgar way. But why try to be someone else when you can be you? People are always criticizing and judging, that is never going to change but we can change how we respond to it can't we? Tedashii says this, "You're beautiful, don't let nobody tell you otherwise." What they say is meant to hurt you, why are we letting them? Don't let people get under your skin, take things with a grain of salt and just be you. You can be whatever size, whatever skin color, have whatever type hair, be however intelligent you want to be and wear what you feel the most comfortable in.

And I am not trying to leave out the guys. It is the same for guys who feel the need to keep up with the trends as well, even when they don't actually like them. What sense does that make? They sag, they lock their hair, they smoke, they bang, whatever they think is what they should be doing. And it is not their fault. It is our fault. We as American citizens are allowing this to happen. We don't turn off the TV when our 6 year old is in the room and we're watching Get Rich or Die Tryin we don't change the station when all we hear is cursing. We think it's funny when babies learn to cuss or drink or smoke. But it's not. Once again, I do NOT mean everyone but enough of us. More than enough. And those of us who disagree with these trends aren't doing anything to stop it. We aren't teaching our children what they need to know instead of what the media feeds them. The vast majority ignore the issue hoping that will make it disappear but it won't. Make the media take notice. Post about it, share it. Stop buying the CD's or going out to see the movies. Stop paying $300 for a t-shirt that has a giant MK on the front. We complain and talk about how things were different when we were growing up but we are not being the difference. We are letting children have phones and go on dating apps and chat rooms and be the adults. Well, my momma always told me that I'm not an adult until I move out and start paying my own way. So if your kids are not really adults, no matter what age they are, you might need to sit down and have an intervention. And there is still the chance that a beat down may have to happen, the saying isn't "knock some sense into you" for no reason.

We have to make that change happen. We have to stop the stupidity that Americans think is normal. Stop rewarding stupidity with fame and start acknowledging those who are unique and appreciate that uniqueness. We have tons of statues of famous athletes, why don't we raise some money to build a statue to a poet or a "plus sized" model (who we all know is just average sized)? What is wrong with listening to people who have experience and learning through their mistakes instead of making our own?

Learn to be yourself and celebrate it. And teach others to do the same. Set the standard and be a role model.

WAR

Spiritual Warfare in God's Army

When most people hear that term they imagine saints on the front lines, going blow for blow with demons and the workers of evil. That's not what I see. I think prayer. Helping other people. Being kind. That's what we, as humans, can do to help the angels warring against the demons. By praying and being Christ-like we empower the armies of Heaven while weakening the armies of the devil. It may be a little weak, but think of Daniel. He asked a question and it took 21 days for him to get an answer because the angel bringing it to him was caught up in a battle with an evil spirit. What if or answer, your breakthrough is being fought for?

We have to stand up and fight! That's very true but the way we fight is not the same way the world fights and that is something most Christians either do not know or forget along the way. One thing we must remember is why we fight. Everyone has different reasons for fighting in the natural: war, hurt, redemption, for protection, for revenge. What is your reason to fight? Do you fight because you enjoy it? Do you fight because you were raised to? We all fight, there is no such thing as Switzerland when it comes to spiritual warfare. You are either standing with God or against Him. That may sound harsh but it is the truth. People always want to sugar coat God, but let me tell you that it's impossible. There is one God who is both merciful and vengeful. He will gladly give but He will also take away. Why? Because He alone has the right to. That is a truth that we cannot argue with in the least.

Below, please give me one reason of why you fight.

Why I Fight

The only real reason I have as to why I fight is that I know my redeemer lives. I know everything the Son went through for me and I know about all of the times I disappointed God. I don't want it to seem like I am doing it to get back into His good graces because I am not. I am doing it because no matter how many times I fail, I am still a saint. Once I became a saint that meant that I could fall but never be called a sinner again. We all have sinned, true, but a sinner is someone who constantly lives in a life of sin with little to no remorse. A saint does fall from time to time but always turn back to God with true, undeniable remorse asking to be forgiven.

I fight because the only one standing in my way is me. I fight so that I can live out the victory that I already have. I fight to show other people just how amazing life can be when you know you are protected by Him?

What about you?