Family Ties

Just to warn you: This post was written while I was enjoying a pity party of one.

It's weird to think about but now that I can actually spend time with family I realize I'm  not  really close to  any of them. I  d?on't have that familial bond. Maybe it's  because it went away or maybe it was never there to begin with. No one can tell when I'm  joking or being sarcastic, no one can tell when I'm  hurting and want a hug. It's  like being surrounded by acquaintances that you wonder if they can actual stand you or not. Have you ever felt like that? Maybe I'm the only one. Maybe it's because  of the  fact that I  don't do the things my cousins do and I'm  too different.  Maybe  that's the  reason why nobody calls or texts or remembers my birthday.

I  remember that when I  was young  it was different. I was never close but I didn't feel the sting as bad either. I  just pretended and in my pretend world I was the one everyone wanted to be around. But now I'm  in the real world and there's no escaping into my own head, at least not for long anyway. There's so much about family love and care and I get that. I go to my family reunion every year and we always have at least 500 people and I know most of them. It's strange but I feel like I get along more with the family I'm not around all the time than the ones I grew up with. Ain't that a mess? But I get that. I always used to tell my friend who has an estranged baby daddy something pretty similar. Her children seem to love their dad more because it's hard to be a bad father when you're never around. It's hard for me to get a chance to dislike them when I only see them once or twice a year. Or do you think I'm just talking out the side of my neck with this one? I might be. Who knows?

Every family has those days where they can't stand each other and we all have that person we would rather not claim. And, at least in Black families, there is that cousin who go around calling everybody "kin folk" loud as all get out, but hey, what can you do? Family is family and even though families argue, fuss, fight and sometimes cut deep, they will always be family. No matter what. And the good thing about family is that families forgive even when you didn't think you could be forgiven and they stand with each other. My brother torments me, has since I was little but I know for a fact that my brother would never let another person hurt me. And so does the machete he keeps on hand. Haha, just kidding.....not really though. The same goes with the rest of my family, I hear stories about my aunt who liked to run her mouth when she was young but couldn't fight to save her life. Luckily, she had my other aunts and my mom who were always there to have her back. 

I guess that's the real reason I am a little upset. I know that my other cousins have this bond. I know that they would ride or die for each other, for my brother. But I feel like if I was sinking nobody would notice until I was at the bottom of the ocean (I do NOT float). So, instead of staying in this little pity party of mine, all by my own I just decided to do something about it. I have a cousin, in particular, that I want to grow close to so I am going to go old fashioned on all of y'all and write him a letter. Hopefully, he gets where I'm coming from. Wish me luck!

And if you are going through the same thing, reach out, it just might make your family your friends.

I wrote this in my last post but here's a link to the song Kamikaze by KB . It's just what I'm feeling right now. Hope you like it. Also here is Family Reunion by the O'Jays.