There are so many memes and songs out there there is even #sorrynotsorry that has been going around for forever and a day. I have talked about forgiveness a lot in the past but I can't recall a time where I ever brought up how to act when you are the one who did wrong, which is just as important and even more so in some respects. Sorry is a lot more than just trying to appease the other person and a real apology goes a lot farther than simple lip service. Think about it. How many times have you said sorry but didn't really feel sorry or apologetic? How many times did someone say sorry to you in that same stank-face way they offended you? You know they're not sorry and yet you are supposed to accept their apology!? What? How many times have you done that to someone else?
Don't get me wrong, we all do stupid stuff but apologizing is important because in its real form an apology is supposed to wipe the slate clean of than wrong you did. When you apologize you can't be rude and sarcastic. In fact, you should never say "I'm sorry" unless you mean it. Why? Because people can almost always tell when you don't and when that person can see you are lying they start to lose trust that has been built. This can lead to a whole other set of issues that are way too detailed to go into here but if you want just comment and I can give an example or two. When you apologize there are some things to take into consideration. I know that your parents probably forced you to apologize even when you weren't sorry but did something wrong. I'm not saying that's bad because it teaches kids responsibility but as an adult you should never do that.
I usually give a little how to or something like that and it is killing me not to right a long checklist of the dos and don'ts of apology but it is not necessary. You know when when you mess up. You know when you do wrong and you know when you are genuinely sorry. So take all those things into consideration when you decide to go up and apologize to someone.
An apology should be sincere if nothing else.
When you apologize you don't have to have balloons or jump out of an airplane. I know that some people believe that the size of the apology should fit the harm done but that's not me. I think that you should come with an open heart and mind and be sincere and if they don't accept that is on them. One thing about admitting you were wrong is the fact that you admit you were wrong meaning that some damage may be done to your pride. Can you handle that? Is the relationship with that person more important than your ego? If not then you aren't ready to apologize.
I have apologized for a lot of things in my life. Sometimes I apologize for other people and sometimes I apologize for things I didn't do just to make other people feel better. That is not okay. It is not okay to do that because when something is not my fault I have no reason to take blame and responsibility for it. I can say, "Sorry you feel that way" but I am not going to let the brunt of the hurt fall on my shoulders because that is not how I operate anymore. And I have a saying, "God did not send His Son to die on the third day and rise again for _________" and in my mind I am starting to fill in that blank with "me to be sorry for living my life". If someone makes you feel as though you have to apologize for everything you do because it offends them or doesn't suit them, don't keep apologizing. Find a new friend because there is a time when giving advice becomes policing your behavior and that's not cool. Especially if that friend never apologizes or throws blame on someone else when the time comes, drop them like a hot pot of grits. They are not there for you.
An apology should come from you heart. You should apologize because you want to and because it is how you really feel not because someone thinks you should because that leaves you with hurt in your heart and I have really started thinking about self care and apologizing for no reason is not a part of self care.
I have apologized for a lot of things in my life. Sometimes I apologize for other people and sometimes I apologize for things I didn't do just to make other people feel better. That is not okay. It is not okay to do that because when something is not my fault I have no reason to take blame and responsibility for it. I can say, "Sorry you feel that way" but I am not going to let the brunt of the hurt fall on my shoulders because that is not how I operate anymore. And I have a saying, "God did not send His Son to die on the third day and rise again for _________" and in my mind I am starting to fill in that blank with "me to be sorry for living my life". If someone makes you feel as though you have to apologize for everything you do because it offends them or doesn't suit them, don't keep apologizing. Find a new friend because there is a time when giving advice becomes policing your behavior and that's not cool. Especially if that friend never apologizes or throws blame on someone else when the time comes, drop them like a hot pot of grits. They are not there for you.
An apology should come from you heart. You should apologize because you want to and because it is how you really feel not because someone thinks you should because that leaves you with hurt in your heart and I have really started thinking about self care and apologizing for no reason is not a part of self care.
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