So, I know that it seems like my blog never really gets to personal issues. There's a reason for that. I didn't want it to. I had hoped to touch people without ever getting too in depth into my own personal life, but now I know that testimony's can help. Stories can reach more than just preaching the Word can. And so, I'm going to tell you a story.
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She lived in a town in a far away land and things were far from perfect. But, in all serious things were tough. Some people might think of my problems as pointless or as first world problems, but to me. It was serious. It was hurt. Let's talk about my middle school life. My mom wanted me and my brother to go to a good school. The schools in my town were awful, there were no books and the neighborhood was not the greatest. Because of this, my mom lied about our address so that we could be zoned in another school. A "white" school with books and ratings. We were technically homeless, living with different relatives off and on. Finally, we for an apartment in the school district that we were going to. But a nice apartment doesn't mean much when you can't afford to put things in the refrigerator.
People always judging others because of what they think they know when in reality they may not know anything about it whatsoever. And being Black, I was raised under the rule of "Don't you tell nobody what happens in this house. " and I am quite sure I'm not the only one. So, I started going to this school, I got involved a little bit more but I never fit in. I wasn't pretty enough to be populat, I wasn't athletic and I felt like I had no place to go. I felt like I would never for in because no matter how many people I knew no one really knew me. It was draining so I lost myself and I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I'm still trying to determine what my purpose in this world is, and God is slowly showing me.
But, back to the story....no one knew me but I was everyone's "friend". I tried to stay neutral but I hated the pettiness of high-school. White people thought that all everyone who was Black was either in a gang or a soon to be baby momma and everyone talked about everyone to anyone who would listen. That's why I started reading more and more fantasy. I had always read but now I read to escape my life. I wanted a better life, one where I felt like my family cared, one where my brother didn't hit me and that could only be found between the pages of a novel. I stopped eating regularly and when I did eat, it wasn't for nourishment it was to heal all the brokenness I felt. But it never worked and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't throw it back up so I gained weight. Weight everyone in my family criticized me for. I wanted to die, but them funeral costs would be another burden on my family so instead I wished to disappear. I wished that I had never existed and I dreamed of how wonderful the world would be if I wasn't in it. I felt like a mistake and so, I acted like one. I believed every awful thing anyone said about me because it had to be true for them to say it. No matter what it was, everything that went wrong was my fault even I didn't know what was going on.
I took the blame.
I came out of a dark place and I lived with that situation for a long time but I can honestly say that I am using my past to help others through their current situation and the fact that I can do that proves that it was worth it, even though I didn't think so back then. So please, share this story with your friends and write your own testimony in the comments. You can choose to be anonymous, but never forget that people always learn from hearing about what someone else had to go through. Be blessed.
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